Seduced by the Mom Jeans

"When high-waist jeans came back into style, my first thought was, “No freaking way.” I’ve seen the photos of my mom and her sisters from the early ‘90’s. The tucked-in shirts, the unflattering behinds, the zippers that went on for days. No wonder my mom eyed the one-inch long zippers of my high school days with suspicion.

I’m comfortable with a mid-rise. I don’t care to go back to the low-rise, micro-zippers from my high school and college days, but a mid-rise? Yes, please. They hold in my not-quite-so-tight tummy and rest comfortably above my c-section scar. Cropped shirts are apparently back, too, and with my mid-rise jeans, well, I can hold my own in some of those cropped styles. No problem. See how fashion-forward I am?

Never a high-rise though. The horror. I swore them off on principle.

I’m sure you know how this story ends: I was seduced by the mom jeans.

Read more over on the Twin Cities Moms Blog!

Read, Watched, Listened

I love reading just about everything (okay, you won't see any mystery or sci-fi picks on here), watching things, especially if they make me think but especially if they can make me laugh, and wholeheartedly embrace the podcast. I also enjoy hearing about what other people are reading, watching, and listening. Here's my two cents worth.

READ

George and Lizzie
I heard lots of people hyping this novel up, but I never really got into it. I found George and Lizzie's entire relationship to be a little weird, and there was a whole sex thing from Lizzie's past that I found mostly strange and never quite fleshed out for me. Overall, the book was about marriage and how our past shapes what we think marriage and love should be. Which sounds great and super interesting but it never quite got there for me. Really, the problem was that I didn't care all that much about George or Lizzie to really get into it. The characters had so much potential, and it all fell flat. I was kind of disappointed.

Everything I Never Told You
After Little Fires Everywhere, I immediately hopped on the waiting list for this one. Celeste Ng really shines with creating character portraits -- this one about a Chinese American (well, the father is Chinese, the mother American) in the 1970s. I found the exploration of what it means to be in a mixed family, especially for the children, to be fascinating. It was also an interesting exploration of family overall, as it detailed out the relationships between mother and daughters, father and son, sisters and brother throughout the course of the book.

An American Marriage
I might be broken inside, because I did not have the overwhelmingly positive response to this book that everyone else seems to have. I found most of the characters to be downright dislikable, the writing took a turn in the middle that didn't pay off for me, and, to be perfectly honest, I wonder if I just couldn't relate to the characters in the book because of their blackness. While I won't spoil anything of the plot, I didn't connect to either Roy or Celestial in the story. The characters had so much going for them, and I love me a good flawed character, but these flawed characters had no redeeming qualities for me. I just didn't understand them. However I couldn't stop thinking about this book for a solid week after I finished, so maybe I'm not giving it the credit it deserves.

The Locals
I found this novel and the writing to be fascinating. It's admittedly depressing - every single person in the just-barely-post 9/11 town of Howland, Massachusettes basically hates their lives - but all in such different, interesting ways. The author, Jonathan Dee, does an amazing job weaving their lives together and giving us background details on so many different people. It wasn't a happy read, but it was certainly a fascinating one.

Glory in the Ordinary
I was a bit wary of this book before I opened it. Even as a stay-at-home mom, I'm a bit skeptical of anything that smacks of "staying home is the only acceptable way to be a Christian woman", but I am so pleased to report that this book was not that. I really give credit to the author, Courtney Reissig, for encouraging all moms in their own work, whether of the stay-at-home or working mom variety. In the end she encourages all women in their work of the home - we all have a home to take care of at the end of the day regardless of any outside or paid work we do - and picking up those toys, cooking those dinners, and washing those dishes yet again matter to every one of our families. She also gave examples of a variety of moms: a part-time working mom, a full-time working mom, and a stay at home mom, which again I really appreciated from a book I initially thought might only sing the virtues of always-in-the-home mothers. I give Courtney full credit for recognizing the realities and complexities of our modern families and encouraging all of us in what seems to be our never-ending work of the home.

Beartown
So. Freaking. Good. A group of friends recommended this one and I finally bought it and was not disappointed. Literally one of my new favorite books. Ever. It's a novel about hockey that's not really about the hockey. (It also doesn't hurt that my hometown of White Bear Lake is a bit fanatical about hockey and has our very own team of "da Bears".) I loved every single thing about this book. I swear Fredrick Backman is secretly a psychiatrist; he captured the emotions and deep truths behind everyone in the book from 15-year old girls to the working mom to the old hockey coach. I can't recommend this one enough. I am a serial re-reader, and I guarantee I will be coming back to this one again and again. (And one note, I found the plot to be strangely similar to Jodi Picoult's The Tenth Circle. They're very different books overall, mostly because Picoult's version is part graphic novel, but the main plot point - same. Pretty much exactly.)

WATCHED

Queer Eye
I am 100% here for this reboot. The Fab Five are adorable, lovable, and absolutely kill it every time. I also appreciate the candor and honesty from both the Five and the men they makeover. While I haven't finished the season, they've talked about homosexuality in the church, the tension between black Americans and the police, and sexism in really beautiful, insightful (if not always deep - each episode is only around 40 minutes) ways. I appreciate how they educate without judging, and everyone comes to a greater understanding of one another at the end of each episode. I literally finish watching every one with a smile on my face.

My Next Guest Needs No Introduction
Such an interesting show. Okay, so far I've only watched the Obama one but it was so. good. I love how Letterman has defined a new version of the talk show: just a stage, himself, and his guest. It's honest, truthful, and funny. I'm also 100% here for Letterman's facial hair. Also, I just discovered that his most recent guest was Malala Yousafzai and OMG I need to go watch right freaking now.

LISTENED

The Popcast
Two-thirds of the way through March and we're still living through the 2017-2018 Winter That Will Never End. I think I'm looking for sunshine, joy, and happiness wherever I can find it these days to compensate for our dreary weather and The Popcast is all of that. Not only do I feel more informed on all things pop culture, (which I was lacking in knowledge of even before becoming a mom) but Knox and Jamie are just a joy to listen to. They're lighthearted, funny, and don't take themselves too seriously. It's a delightful escape.

Note: any links to Amazon in this post are affiliate links.

The Rhythm

I know I’ve written a lot about our nap transition — ahem, nap dropping — over the past year. It’s been a shock to the system, so to speak. Suddenly, the routine that had been established for the past two-plus years (lunch at 11, nap at noon) was gone. Where does one go from there?

While I now institute an hour of quiet time for the twins starting around noon, it can be anything but. There are days I spend much of that time herding not one but two four-year olds back to their respective quiet time spots.

“Is quiet time done yet?”
“Can I have some paper?”
“I can’t get this sticker off.”
“Is quiet time done now?”
“Do you know where my bunny is?”
“I want you to put a blanket on me.”
“If I have to come up here ONE MORE TIME you guys don’t get to watch any TV this afternoon!”
...
“Mommy? I pooped!!! I need help!”

(Sigh. It never fails.)

It’s not always so dramatic, of course. And Caden has even gone back to napping 90% of the time. Yet even on the best of days that hour flies by in a blink as I eat my own lunch, clean up from the morning and (maybe) get started on another task. Combined with the fact that Nolan, my only reliable napper, has been incapable of sleeping for more than 60 minutes at a time and has also forgotten how to play with the toys in his bed upon waking up (“Mommy! Mom-mee! Mom-MEE!”). It feels like I’m thrown right back in the thick of it, just when the quiet has begun.

It’s a loss for sure. I’ve been flailing to find a new rhythm. Nap time would typically find me on my laptop, making my weekly meal plan, paying bills, budgeting, doing miscellaneous shopping, researching everything from preschools to dance studios to restaurants for date night. Some tasks simpler than others; all nearly impossible with a curious four-year old hovering on my knees.

“What’s that?”
“Is that for me?”
“Can we watch Elsa?”
“What are you doing?”

On the best of days I would get more restful self-care-type activities done. Writing, reading, editing photos. Those days seem to be long gone. Where evenings used to be a restful time for me, I’m now often completing those necessary household tasks — the meal planning, scheduling, and shopping — that don’t get done during the day. It seems laughable to think that once upon a time I used naptime to eat lunch, clean up from the morning, tackle cleaning bathrooms or organizing the pantry, and still have time leftover to watch Netflix. It seems as much another life as my pre-kid one. 

+++++

So my question is, what do you do when you lose your rhythm? The one that keeps you alive and well and whole and you?

The simple answer, the easiest one, is, of course: find a new rhythm.

But what if it’s not that simple? What if the chaos of kids and schedules and diapers and commitments and, oh, I don’t know, life just plain get in the way?

+++++

We do find new rhythms, consciously or not. Ours right now involves a bit more screen time. That’s not the answer I want to give, the “acceptable” one, the Instagrammable one, which is maybe why I wrestle over it. I’d love to say my three sit peacefully at the kitchen table upon emerging from their respective quiet time rooms, carefully and quietly constructing the craft I’ve meticulously prepared while eating a snack of almonds and apple slices. Neatly.

Ha. Ha. Ha.

The honest answer is that now, most days, I dump Nolan on the couch after his pathetic attempt at a nap and succumb to his request of, “Watch sumthin” so I can pick up where I left off on the grocery order/email/essay/etc. Brooklyn joins and they sit together in (relative) peace and quiet until Caden creeps down to join, and I sigh and close my laptop because it’s time for me to rejoin the fray and figure out our afternoon.

+++++

It took me awhile. I first wrote most of those words above nearly four months ago. But recently, I realized I have added a new rhythm for myself during their daily post-nap screen time: reading.

Since their footsteps or cries of “Mommy!” always happen much sooner than I’d care for, I usually feel robbed of my own daily quiet time. A single hour in the middle of a solid 12-hour parenting shift — often punctuated by requests from the non-sleeper(s) and attempts at other household tasks — doesn’t typically leave me feeling very recharged.

Instead of springing into action the minute I hear footfalls on the steps — quick, they’re up! Do this, this, and this! — I’ve been closing my laptop, grabbing a book, and joining them on the couch. I’ve had years of practice tuning out the outside world in order to get lost in a book. Sometimes it’s my Bible, most days it’s the latest library loan on my e-reader, this week I’ve been familiarizing myself with all things Whole 30 (I know. Pray for me). I get some snuggles and some extra time to rest and relax and clear my head. I like to think they might look back on this time and remember it, remember me, right next to them piled up on the couch with blankets and throw pillows instead of in a room away consumed by my laptop. I feel a bit more free during the naptime hour since I don’t have to cram in lunch and cleaning and grocery shopping and self-care. I may not get to complete all my tasks right when I want to, but at least I have a book and some snuggles to look forward to while they watch another episode or two of whatever the latest TV craze is around here.

And while I really, really miss the luxury of having reliable, consistent two-hour nappers, this might just be the best rhythm of all.

For the Mom Who Threatened to Take Away Screen Time and Now Has to Actually Do It

Damn it.

Your threats of taking away screen time did nothing to deter your preschooler from leaving their room “one more time” during quiet time. Now you actually have to follow through and take that screen time away after all.

Just why did, “If you come out of your room one more time you don’t get to watch anything on TV this afternoon” come out of your mouth anyway? It really was not your best idea, brain. You now have zero reprieve from the quiet time that was anything but and the long stretch of afternoon hours that often seem never-ending even with the promise of screen time.

This is also for the mom who threatened her toddler with, “if you throw one more rock we have to leave” at the park and then they did throw one more rock. I know you were at the park for less than a fraction of the time it took to get ready to go there (the pre-planning of packing up snacks and diapers the night before, negotiating over shoes, fights to both brush teeth and wear proper jackets) and now you have to leave because you said you would and good moms follow through on their word.

And let’s not forget you, mom who warned “if you can’t stop hitting we’re not getting ice cream tonight” and now not only are your kids not getting ice cream but now you aren’t getting any either. Unless you somehow manage to make an ice cream run after everyone is in bed but you’ll already be in sweatpants and the couch will be calling your name and ugh. It’s just not the same. A family visit to the local ice cream shop ruined over one last punch to the arm. You hope it was worth it.

This is also for you, siblings. I know you’re crying over the loss of screen time/leaving the park/lack of ice cream because one of you ruined it for all of you. I feel like crying, too, over those exact same things. It’s hard for me to tell you our day isn’t ruined when I also feel like it kind of actually is.

But you’ll get through this day, all of you, I promise. I won’t promise that you won’t yell, cry, or otherwise feel angry and frustrated. But you’ll make it through, all the way to bedtime. You’ll get new chances tomorrow, every last one of you.

Lost screen time mom? I know all chance of self-care is basically out the window as your afternoon now involves entertaining kids with more energy than you really have to give. You’ll be cleaning up Play-doh, paint, crayons, and more dinosaur figures than you thought you owned in an attempt to get them interested in something, anything, just long enough to heat up your cup of coffee and sneak a Girl Scout cookie somewhere they won’t see.

Park mom? I know you wanted to stay. You put in the work to meet your friends, so not only have your kids lost out on the chance for playtime, but you lost out on your own social interaction for the day. It is so totally not fair. Your friends’ kids didn’t throw rocks. They didn’t have to leave. They still get to sit there with their coffees and their sunglasses and their bags full of Goldfish crackers and have an adult conversation. Sigh. Today it was you. Tomorrow it could be them. It’s small comfort in the moment, but I do promise they’re not judging you or your kid as much as you think they are. Not at all, actually. Kids throw rocks. It happens sometimes. Today it was yours and you stuck to your guns and your words and you left, and that is, in fact, truly admirable.

No ice cream mom? Ouch. I’m sorry. Ice cream is truly delicious and you’d been talking up this ice cream run to the kids all day. You’d think that would be enough to stop the hitting. Seriously, what gives? On the bright side, you’ve easily saved yourself $20 and don’t have to clean up multiple sets of sticky fingers, faces, and even hair. No ice cream still sucks but, hey, you do have beer in the fridge. You can toast in the dark, quiet, post-bedtime hours to surviving and being an adult and getting to drink a beer and stay up late watching a show or reading a book to recover from the day.

Tomorrow there may be screen time, or another playdate, or even an ice cream run to look forward to. Still. I know you have to live through the rest of the day right here and right now. So I’ll say it one more time:

Damn it.