The kids are all in school. I repeat, the kids are all in school. This is not a drill!
I’m taking a break this fall, as much as I can. Having three kids in two years was no joke. I already felt like I needed a break: throw in a global pandemic for most of the past two years and I definitely need a break.
“Call it a sabbatical!” a friend told me. (You know who you are.) “Pastors get sabbaticals after seven or so years, and damn if mothering isn’t just as hard and holy of work.”
So a sabbatical it is.
What I’ve discovered, almost three full weeks in, is that I’m not very good at sabbatical-ing.
The first week I was restless. I tackled a bunch of things around the house, from decluttering bedrooms to cleaning out the pantry. (But truly, I would not have been able to properly relax with the state the pantry was in.)
The second week I overscheduled myself. I had appointments or meetings every single day, sometimes multiple times a day. (Though part of that was unavoidable. So much of scheduling appointments is “We can either get you in next Wednesday or not until this random Tuesday in February” and so of course you take next Wednesday, no matter what else your week might hold.) I went from feeling like I had a pretty good handle on things to feeling I had nothing under control because I was hardly home.
Which brings me here, to week three. Really, I keep preaching to myself, give it at least a month to settle in. Life has been the opposite of a sabbatical for the past seven-plus years and it’s absurd to think I can turn it around in an instant.
Still, I find it hard to rest when there is still so much to be done. I’m ordering Halloween costumes and meeting writing deadlines and sending emails and trying to organize a pledge drive for church and concocting a meal plan each week and making up Christmas lists to get ahead of any 2021 supply-chain drama and that means I should go through the toys in the playroom before the influx of Christmas gifts and we basically finished our basement except I never did get around to finding sconces, and, and, and.
I don’t mean to sound ungrateful. For the past seven years, I’ve done all of the above plus or minus three or so kids around. But when the goal is to rest, it’s hard to sort out, to prioritize, to put it in front of the work. I’m trying. I’ve begun re-watching Downton Abbey in the afternoons before the kids get home from school. I’m reading some. I’ve been knitting a bit.
I’m also entering this brave new world and trying to figure out what on earth “rest” even means anymore. I hope I get to the point where I really do slow down before figuring out what I want next in life. I hope I get to the point where I watch TV all day (a Ted Lasso re-watch, anyone?) and don’t feel guilty about it, because I’m still worthy and loved right where I’m at, even if I don’t check anything off my to-do list, even if I just sit around on a couch surrounded by snacks all day. That sounds amazing, but right now, it’s much easier for me to say than to actually do.
Stay tuned.
+++++
Action Item
Listen, this isn’t my usual type of “take action” item, but might I suggest to all the parents living in areas where snow is imminent to check your stock of winter gear NOW. Last year I went through all the kids’ winter gear in September and felt like the smuggest of actual GENIUSES when we got a surprise snowstorm in mid-October and I was actually prepared. So: coats, boots, hats, mittens/gloves, snowpants. Multiples of the hats and gloves. Onward!
+++++
Around the Internet
We Found Rage in a Hopeless Place: “Whatever problems existed before the pandemic, they just seem to have been frozen in time and deepened, along with all the new iterations.”
For any parent who feels like they need to consult local case rates, the vaccination status of everyone and their brother involved in a given activity, their horoscope, and the weather forecast before doing virtually anything.
+++++
Eating
These sausage and cheddar stuffed onions take a little bit of effort but spend most of their time in the oven and come out tasting like fall. I served them last weekend with cornbread and brussels sprouts.
As far as I’m concerned, September is for baking with apples. My first foray into fall baking this year was this apple cake which pairs perfectly with an afternoon cup of tea. Or breakfast. Or the last thing you eat before bed. You get it.
“These aren’t addicting,” she says, as she eats three more from the package before tucking it back in its hiding place in the pantry.
+++++
Fun Things
Nolan is playing soccer and while he’s never played before, he’s actually pretty good! It’s the first sport I’ve seen him truly embrace and, most importantly, all that running is REAL good for him.
I haven’t worn it yet * shakes fist at 80+ degree weather * but this cardigan is soft, snuggly, and definitely going to make my fall cozier.
I ordered these chairs for the kids to use around their art table. Inexpensive, stackable, and they might be white, but they wipe down easily with a Magic Eraser. If you’re already going the IKEA route, I’m also loving this pegboard.
+++++
“I’m so glad I live in a world where there are Octobers” is the only possible way I can end this newsletter on the eve of the month filled with things that truly feel like fall. Here’s to finding our own sort of rest in the Octobers in front of us.
