Life Lately

November is a whiplash of holidays. We usher in the month with a candy hangover and carved pumpkins on our porches and end with twinkle lights, Santa Clauses, and all things glitter. In-between, there are earth-toned pumpkins, corn stalks, and turkeys. We rotate through eating Kit Kats and Sour Patch Kids to a feast of fourteen separate dishes to eyeing up peppermint cookies and gingerbread men.

Phew.

I feel stuck in the pumpkin-ish phase of things. We put up our tree over the weekend but I’m worried there won’t be snow for Christmas. It feels impossible, when I look out our windows to the brownish grass outside, that we’re nearly a week past Thanksgiving. The lights glimmer at me from the living room, determined to lend their cheer whatever the weather.

I know many of my friends live in places where not having snow is the norm, where Christmases consist of 70 degrees and palm trees, or at least green grass. But I’m a born-and-bred Minnesotan. To not have snow yet, not even in the extended two-week forecast, makes it feel like we’ve jumped the gun, like we’re closer to Christmas in July than December 25th.

We almost didn’t have snow last year, I remember. I remember because it felt almost unbearable, on top of everything else 2020 dumped on us, to not have snow for Christmas. A brownish Christmas felt like the ultimate insult.

It arrived, unexpectedly, on Christmas Eve. We weren’t supposed to have any snow, or maybe just a dusting, until a storm moved further south than they thought or lasted hours longer than they predicted and so we ended up with a properly white Christmas, after all. I remember how ridiculously grateful I felt for the swirling snowflakes outside. I remember making appetizers in the kitchen while playing Christmas music and it finally felt acceptable. How I felt, for really the first time last year, in any sort of Christmas spirit at all.

This year, though, I still feel like the pre-Christmas Eve me of 2020. Despite trading in our pumpkins and leaves for twinkling lights and all things red and green, I can hardly wrap my head around the month of December. Not yet. Of course the lack of snow just feels like a final insult. Again.

I was reading through Sarah Bessey’s Advent guide on Sunday where she wrote, “In these days, celebration can seem callous and uncaring, if not outright impossible. But here’s the thing, my friend: we enter into Advent now precisely because we are paying attention. It’s because everything hurts that we prepare for Advent.”

I wouldn’t say everything hurts, not exactly, not for me this year. The shock of 2020 has worn off, or at least softened around the edges. 2022 looms, even as it seems impossible that we’ve lived through not only all of 2020 but also 2021. March 2020 still feels thisclose, despite being almost two years past on the calendar. And yet the kids will be officially fully vaccinated as of New Year’s Eve, exactly two weeks past their last dose. Miracle of miracles. We’ll have much to toast to that night.

We enter into December, into Advent, because we’re paying attention. We just spent a holiday giving thanks: for family, for friends, for food, for those vaccines, and now we wait in hope. For more light in the world. For healing for our planet. For stacks of presents from pages and pages of lists and catalogues, if you’re my kids. As for me? I’ll keep hoping for that snow.

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Action Item

I think the best action item of all for December is rest. There are a million people and organizations vying for your money, time, and talent right now. You don’t need me to write up yet another one. Give what and if you can, and then rest. Breathe. It’s been a long couple of years.

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Around the Internet

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Eating

  • These really are the best chocolate cookies. I halved the batch which made more than enough for us (between 15-18 fairly large cookies), but would use the amounts given to bake enough for holiday gifting.

  • I’m pretty sure I sang the praises of this Coconut Chicken Curry last year, but since I’ve made it twice this past month, I’m here to do it again.

  • This is one of my go-to pastas. I can’t eat shrimp, but sub in 1/2 lb. of Italian sausage instead. The sauce is DIVINE. Add in ALL the basil and top with shredded parm. It’s 10:32 in the morning and my mouth is watering.

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Fun Things

  • I’ve been loving a dab of Cloud Paint on my cheeks.

  • Sushi Go! has been our family game of choice lately. We are obsessed.

  • I wore these pants for Thanksgiving and strongly approve. They feel like sweatpants but are acceptable in public and even for holidays. Elastic waists forever.

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See you in 2022, or very close to it. Hopefully with snow.

Read, Watched, Listened

I love reading just about everything (okay, you won't see any horror or sci-fi picks on here), watching things that make me think and especially if they make me laugh, and wholeheartedly embrace the podcast. Here's my two cents worth.

READ

The Preacher’s Wife
This one missed the mark for me. There were some good nuggets but I felt like I had to wade through a lot of text before getting to them. So much of the book seemed anecdotal, which partly makes sense when it’s a book on the state of women in positions of power in the Evangelical church. But largely it felt like a parade of one woman after another and how they were examples of that without much meat or connection. In the end I wanted more!

The Midnight Library
I loved this one. It felt like a good escapist read, where a woman is given the choice to try out different lives to see how things would play out had she made different choices. It felt somewhat like a combination to me of The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue and Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine. (TR: suicide)

Good Company
This was…fine? I almost DNFed it a couple of times…it seemed like it dragged on. The premise—of two couples and their bond over several decades—was interesting enough to me. The discovery of the infidelity of one of the husbands (not exactly a spoiler alert) is supposed to fuel most of the plot but I found it rather tired. “Middle-aged man has affair which is discovered years later by his wife” isn’t exactly an inventive plot point, and I don’t think this book added anything new to that conversation.

Several People are Typing
This book was bizarre and I mean that in the very best way. Once you get past the fact that it’s entirely written as Slack conversations, it’s a quick, entertaining read.

Wholehearted Faith
All the stars. I won’t even pretend to be unbiased where Rachel Held Evans is concerned. I keep hoping this can’t possibly be her last book, and someone will stumble upon some hidden treasure-trove of her writing. A girl can dream.

The Guncle
This feel-good novel, about a guncle (that’s gay uncle) who ends up with custody of his niece and nephew for the summer. It’s funny and lighthearted, though it times it turns sort of preach-y. The first half was a delight but I thought the second half dragged on.

Harry Potter
If you’ve paid attention to me on Instagram at all this fall, you know I’ve been re-reading through Harry Potter for the first time in about a decade. I mean, I knew Harry Potter was good, I’ve been a Potterhead since middle school, but I forgot just HOW good. Here are my hot takes on each book in the series:

Sorcerer’s Stone
Brilliant. A great introduction to the series. Pair with the first movie for the ultimate delight.

Chamber of Secrets
Plot-wise, it’s a bit of a re-hash of the first book, but so well done.

Prisoner of Azkaban
I forgot how much I actually like this one. The plot starts to thicken just enough to set it off from the first two. I think I’d conflated it with the third movie in my head (my least favorite of the films), but this book holds up.

Goblet of Fire
My absolute favorite. All the stars. I think it really bridges the youthful, fantasy vibe of the first few books as well as the darker tones of the last three.

Order of the Phoenix
Least favorite for me, but we’re grading on a Harry Potter curve here so of course it’s still wonderful. Harry going around pissed off and yelling at everyone gets old but honestly, what else do you expect him to do as a 15-year-old full of hormones in a world where almost no one believes him? And the whole ministry scene is epic.

Half-Blood Prince
Also excellent. Dumbledore is everything in this one.

Deathly Hallows
A close second place for me. The last 250-300 pages are actually impossible to put down. It really is a perfect end to the series and closing this book after reading through them all again has ruined me for all other books for the rest of time. The very last line, “All was well”, sets me off every time. Well done, J.K. Rowling.

WATCHED

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone
It should be obvious that this was a re-watch for me, but it was a first with the kids. Peak parenting.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Parts I and II
I re-watched these after finishing book 7. I think part I is excellent but part II is…not great. There were a lot of liberties with the filmmaking that I take major issues with, particularly the entirety of the Battle of Hogwarts which is, y’know, basically THE BULK OF THE FILM. I also CANNOT STAND the ending (i.e. the trio tossing the broken halves of the Elder Wand away). There are bits and pieces of it I enjoy (hello, Gringotts), and it’s the very last film so of course it tugs at the heartstrings, but overall I think the book was cheated. (Gee Shannon, tell us how you really feel.)

Succession
We’re obsessed. Like we literally subscribed to HBO just to watch this. It’s so good. (And then found out that HBO carries all the HP movies, so obviously this was an amazing life move.)

Downton Abbey
People, re-watching this series is so much fun. It’s nothing more than a very fluffy soap opera but, dammit, it wants to be the MOST GORGEOUS fluffy soap opera you’ve ever seen. And it is.

When Harry Met Sally
One of my favorite fall movies. An absolute classic. Meg Ryan + Billy Crystal together is magic.

All Too Well: The Short Film
We love to see it.

LISTENED
Maintenance Phase
I’ve been binging this podcast after hearing Beth on Pantsuit Politics mention in passing that she was listening to the Rachel Hollis episodes. Those episodes are EXCELLENT, seriously SO GOOD, and so are the rest of their episodes. They make all things diet-industry related funny and interesting, despite their takedown of all things related to today’s version of “wellness.”

MuggleCast
OBVIOUSLY. Maybe I should just call this “Read, Watched, Listened: Harry Potter Edition.” I wish I would have listened to this years ago. As it is, I’ve just been diving into the archives to find episodes I’m interested in. And since they started back in 2005 (!), I’ll be scrolling back through the archives for…a very long time.

Every Single Album
This one has its own dedicated feed now which makes me so happy! I couldn’t wait to get to their deep-dive into Red (Taylor’s Version) (That album: another major one for this “listening” list.), and now they’re going to tackle all of Adele’s albums. Can I turn off Taylor long enough to listen to Adele’s back catalog? Stay tuned!

When Motherhood Begins With Multiples

I was wheeled to the room on one bed before being transferred to another, the bottom half of my body numb and useless. My nurse chattered away the entire time. She oriented me to my new space, giving me details about the TV, the layout of the bathroom, the mechanics of the bed, the call button, the hospital menu. Details I had no capacity to take in, much less process. Her fingers flashed across the keyboard as she spoke.

“The milkshakes are my personal favorite,” she finally told me, the only thing I really took any note of since it was almost lunchtime. I hadn’t eaten since 6:30 pm the night before, when my water had broken in the middle of our dinner.

Besides the milkshake tip (I ordered vanilla), my only thought was, “Does she seriously think I can concentrate on any of this right now?” I’d been awake for well over 24 hours, in labor for 12, and was now in the earliest stages of recovery from having my unbelievably large twin-filled belly sliced open.

Those babies were in the NICU. The infection all three of us developed during labor ensured their stay there for the next few hours. Nothing major, something antibiotics or drugs of some sort took care of. A detail that, again, I was in no capacity to really care for or understand. They had to stay in the NICU for a few hours and then they would be brought to me. Fair enough. Fine. Just let me sleep.

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The days that followed continued in a similar stupor. I draw a blank when I try to remember the first six weeks of the twins’ lives. I can conjure up moments in time, though I have no idea where these scenes fit in the overall timeline:

A stranger at the store or the doctor’s office squealing, “Oh twins! I’ve always wanted twins” as I fail to muster up similar enthusiasm.

The feeling of exhausted dismay, as I remembered the admonition to “sleep when the baby sleeps”, but what do you do when there are two of them and one of them is always awake?

Propping myself up with pillows—every two hours or less each night—as my husband handed them to me. Tandem nursing two football babies as my head continued to nod forward, the motion always startling me awake. My husband removing the first to rock them back to sleep and me taking the second to rock on the other side of the room in some sort of insane synchronized baby sleep dance.

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I know my apathy continued. Twin infants are the textbook example of survival mode. Like Jim Gaffigan says, when he’s asked what it’s like to have four kids, “Just imagine you’re drowning. And then someone hands you a baby.”

I went to my six-week postpartum checkup, congratulating myself for having the foresight to have my mom come to town so I could tackle this very personal appointment alone. Except I was greeted by the nurse practitioner who immediately asked me, “Where are the babies? We like to see them.”

My sleep-deprived, still-hormonal brain interpreted this as an admonition. I started to tell her that my mom was with them, that it was the first time I was without them, that I was grateful for the break. But I stopped. Maybe mothers of six-week-olds weren’t supposed to want to leave their babies.

Read more about adventures in twin babyhood over on The Kindred Voice.