As I type this, I’m enjoying my one free morning a week without any children. It seems amazing to me that earlier this year—this freaking year—I had three such mornings a week.
When this is published, we’ll be entering our third week of school. It’s going as well as it can. We are again having an overall good experience with the distance learning portion of our school week. (Quick refresh: M-W=distance learning, Th-F=in person. Nolan attends Pre-K MWF mornings.)
Really, everything is both fine and not at all fine at the same time. Even having an overall good experience isn’t good enough. Caden and Brooklyn still need help logging in, properly following links, fixing glitchy videos, submitting assignments, etc. I get small chunks of time to work—5 minutes here, 3 minutes there, last week they had a 9-minute math lesson that felt like the holy grail—before they have another question. This isn’t their fault. It’s not their teacher’s fault. Everyone is doing the best we can with what we’ve been given.
But what we’ve been given is crap. Things shouldn’t have to be this way. They shouldn’t be attending a Monday morning Zoom call with their teacher, they should physically be in the classroom with their teacher. If I get another well-intentioned email from a company asking “need help with at-home learning?” in the subject line, I will punch it in the face. No, I don’t need help with at-home learning. I need help getting these kids back in school. That’s where they want to be. That’s where I want them to be. But I also don’t want that at all right now. Not until it’s as safe as possible.
This is a total and complete systemic failure from the top. I’m grateful for my state and local leadership and I know that not everyone can say that. Not everyone’s governors/school boards/superintendents/etc. have taken appropriate measures. Here in MN, we’re surrounded by states (Wisconsin, North and South Dakota, Iowa) which are seeing some of the highest rises in cases per capita in the entire country. It’s unsettling. This was preventable. It’s not okay.
Also: it is okay. For my family specifically. We have the technology and the time and the space. We have more time together, which is its own kind of wonderful (except for when it’s terrible). It’s everything all at the exact same time.
Phew. Apparently the Enneagram One in me needed to get that off my chest. This wasn’t what I set out to write here today. But it’s where I am. It’s where so many of us are.
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Take Action
There are two women who have been on my mind. The first is Breonna Taylor. The justice system has failed her in a total and complete systemic way. It’s hard to argue with the outcome because of the way the law is written. And make no mistake, the laws are designed this way. Yet even Kentucky’s Attorney General acknowledged that “sometimes the criminal law is not adequate to respond to a tragedy.” This is unacceptable. A woman is dead and the only officer charged was one who foolishly shot at walls and windows—not the ones who took a human life. (As, I should note, he absolutely should be.)
The other woman on my mind is the Notorious RBG. Hearing about her death a week and a half ago was like a punch to the gut. I can attest to the accuracy of this article by reporting that I had no less than three separate text threads going that were some version of us saying “fuck” on repeat. Her loss is heartbreaking, all the more so because of the actions almost immediately following her death by the Republican-held Senate. The grief at the loss of Ruth Bader Ginsburg has so quickly turned to action. I admittedly feel so helpless—this is almost entirely out of my control as an average citizen. I went on a donation after her death to help—in as tangible a way as I could—flip some Senate seats.
I highly recommend reading her obituary from the New York Times. And also this piece about her collars.
If you’d also like to donate, I recommend doing so with an organization such as ActBlue or Swing Left: both help distribute donations to Democratic candidates where they will be most effective.
And, to honor the lives of both of these women, make sure you’re registered to vote!
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Around the Internet
Who knew that reading about the world of competitive porridge making could be such a delight?
In case you haven’t yet read this piece by Jesmyn Ward on the loss of her husband to COVID-19.
On practical steps to help mentally prepare for winter. Everything from finding a face mask stye that suits you to getting a flu shot to finding small things to bring you joy.
Mom-shaming during a pandemic. “This is being presented to us like we have choices when most of us really don’t…And when you don’t have a choice, it’s really easy to lash out at someone who seems like they did.”
This entire post from Pantsuit Politics is a 2020 mood.
And if you haven’t been following along with the saga of Stephanie/Tanqueray…what have you been doing with your life?
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Eating
The absolute best macaroni and cheese recipe. It’s one of Tyson’s favorites, so I made it for his birthday last week. Do yourself a favor and use smoked cheddar.
Speaking of, this is my go-to birthday cake recipe. I usually have all the ingredients on hand and it comes together quickly—perfect when little hands want to help with baking.
And speaking of cake, and Smitten Kitchen cakes, specifically, this is one of the first fall recipes I make every single year.
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Fun Things
I spend so much time in my car these days. Not necessarily driving, but literally sitting there while the kids have activities (waiting areas now being closed due to COVID). I have a combined four hours a week to wait in the car. To be honest: I don’t hate it. I bring a book or some knitting and a podcast and it’s actually pretty amazing. (Said every introvert everywhere.). I also bought this car charger so I can write on my laptop (whose battery is completely shot, hence the need for the car charger) and it works like a charm.
As for knitting, I (sort of) mastered seed stitch, and am now working on this cowl for myself with this verrrryyyyyy soft and cozy yarn.
I’ve been thinking ahead to winter and decided to get tall winter boots for myself. My current pair is ankle height, which isn’t great when we go sledding or play in deep snow. I ordered these in a girl’s size 5. My usual size is a women’s 6/6.5: I literally saved $100 by ordering the girl’s version! It’s worth looking into if you’re a fellow small-foot person—several brands make shoes that are identical in both adults and kids sizes but charge more for the adult version.
We got our family photos back and I’m obsessed with them. * insert heart eyes emoji here *
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Well, hopefully ending with a list of Fun Things makes up for the rant at the beginning. Except, if my text threads are any indication, I’m certain many of you are feeling the exact same way. We’re trying to balance a near-constant rage with the realities of laundry, deadlines, distance learning, and also avoiding stepping on LEGOs. I’m balancing the Big Ideas that are social justice and politics with the real life of spilled milk and bedtime routines right in front of me. We’re holding all these emotions and tensions and tasks and trying to balance them all at the same time. It’s an impossible, necessary, universal ask. Carry on, warriors. I’m here with a cup of coffee and ALLLLL the solidarity.
